pjrv : Messages : 631-631 of 4038
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/pjrv/messages/631?)
2006/06/30 22:00:07

~~--------ArchivedPostFollows_Yahoo-PJRV_group---------

#631 
	From: "PJ Gaenir" 
Date: Wed Sep 4, 2002 9:25 pm
Subject: 'intuitive' writing; the 'greater RV' 	dennanm
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
  	  	

Yesterday was a cool day.

I was having 'small insights' throughout.

Late afternoon, Ry was taking a nap.  I got in bed sitting up next to her,
reading a small book
of Rudolph Steiner lectures, marking places I thought were good quotes related
to viewer
development.

As always I was thinking his "higher/lower self" concepts were not to my liking
or agreement,
though despite this, I appreciate his insights. I don't resonate with his
framework and what
that imposes on everything else.  I appreciate what points 'resonate with me' of
his materials
anyway, and consider him a valid mystic.

I got a sudden intense sleepyness, which was either eye strain or a
sudden need to process, and I fell asleep.

I had a really intense dream about two of my best friends, with a really
powerful negative
emotion through it related to feeling rejected by one of them.  This is highly
out of the
ordinary.  I woke up feeling very odd, and not until I realized this and said to
myself, "Why do I
feel so odd?" did the dream memory join me.

I wrote it down, wondering about it, then went back to reading the Steiner book.
Ry woke up
and went out to the living room to play.  At one point I shouted at her to turn
the TV off
(shouted as it was so loud), and later she was teary-eyed, thinking I was angry
at her.  I
reassured her and she went back to play.

Suddenly I got this "rush of disinterest" in the book. I sighed,
shifted position and began to continue -- when I remembered Seth's
comments about spontaneity, and my own thoughts lately on how I
have so trained it out of myself.

I'd had a small urge to write in my notebook though no ideas on what. I realized
how stupid it
was to 'suppress' such a simple, innocent spontaneous urge.  Why?  Is there some
rule I
have to stop at chapter end or whatever?  How silly.  It was like I was just
"keeping on
keeping on" for no reason - like when I work, I ignore everything but work,
often realizing that
I've had to pee for hours and have been bouncing up and down for a long time
without even
noticing (I'm very focused :-)).  Alas my work is on computer so I can go to get
up, and realize
my body barely moves without cracking, I've been sitting almost motionless for
the entire day!

There were thought processes related to why I was ignoring the urge to pick up
the notebook
and keep reading instead -- I "caught" all this as if it were a current below
the surface -- very
subtle.

I put down the book, picked up the notebook and pen, while
having the thought of a meditation sequence I've been brewing on for awhile,
thinking of
scripting concepts with _feelings_ rather than visuals, as a 'self-guided
meditation'.

I've noticed that there's a certain combination of feelings that should I get it
right (interest,
humor, optimism, etc.) the RV session rocks.  It's usually accidental this
happens and often
comes when I'm doing RV outside my home, with a combination of adventure, some
positive
expectation, yet an acceptance of whatever the outcome might be with good humor,
often not
too long after mild exercise, even if that's just running errands and getting in
and out of the
truck.

I've been thinking maybe "state of mind" in RV is perhaps not the only issue -
also "state of
heart" -- what one feels.  Thinking maybe I could work out an exercise that
brought about
those feelings -- those biochemicals -- to see if that could be as deliberately
arranged as the
theta state, if it would help.

I thought of Steiner's brief mention of focusing a feeling at
the point of the 3rd eye chakra.

I wrote down an idea for a feelings-sequence that might be useful as an exercise
prior to a
remote viewing session:

1 - Interest; a crush; a sparking
2 - Humor; appreciation
3 - Delight; sense of novelty;
4 - Acceptance; bliss/one-with
"The Four Stages of Positive Experience"

Then the idea expanded like a door opening, found allegories in my  mind like
harmonics, and
a piece I had "left out" of my sequence suddenly came into concept.  I wrote it
down with an
arrow:

3 -
< -- * open area; dark; letting go; uncharted >
4 -

...and suddenly the concept had "its own harmonics" -- allegories
-- such as the Abyss in ceremonial magick, The Descent Into Hell
Steiner called it in his Theosophy/Christian Mysticism; the
invisible sphere on the QBL's Tree of Life.  Even situational and
development allegories were there simultaneously: teenage need to
_take_ autonomy; the student who rejects 'the faith', and later as
a result of doing so has the wisdom to teach it; the prodigal son.

I promptly felt I needed to write down a thought, which "unfolded
itself" as I wrote, in close timing. Sometimes I got ahead of the
thought-flow with my 'own' thoughts, and so would cross out a word
or phrase that was 'not from the flow'; sometimes I had to wait
several seconds for the next sentence; sometimes it was like my
word(s) was 'accepted' and worked into the flow itself.

It wasn't trance channeling.

It wasn't like when I hear the Narrator.

It was just there, apparently my own thoughts, my vocabulary certainly, yet
perhaps "prepared
and sequenced" by some level of self that I am less aware of than my normal
intellect.

I had no idea why I'd be getting this, as I thought it was talking about my
(ex-) marriage as
soon as it started, yet I'd only been wondering what the dream could mean.  I
didn't grok
connection until it mentioned the word dream.  (This all vaguely relates to 'the
feelings prior to
a great RV session' - later.)

I wrote, in that "flow" as described:

"There is a darkness and breaking down prior to real merge/acceptance.  In human
relationships this might be compared to the point when "the honeymoon is over"
-- when one
realizes their generous fairytale lover is in reality 'a selfish troll'.  The
negative qualities come
to the fore of attention as they are most contrasting to the feelings and
images-of-the-other
one holds.

"In reality, our image of others is our image of self. The realization of these
opposing qualities,
and concomitant feelings generated, causes an appropriate break in the projected
image and
a letting go of that previous concept-pattern.  Only then can one know another
on the level of
who they are rather than who we expect them to be.

"With appropriate relationships, the seeming 'focus' on the shock of realization
of the other's
negative qualities will mellow, and those 'dark' qualities will fade into
balance.

"As this process continues, the true 'merging' of selves between mates is
occurring.  This
merge must occur in any healthy relationship, but the process of breaking the
hold on the
pattern of what we expect and believe about the other must come first.

"An inability in either mate to accept with honesty the negative qualities in
the other, will stall
the spiritual development of the relationship.  As humans have a natural need
for this quality of
joint integration, personalities unable to fully achieve it will bring various
events or
circumstances that cause anger and related negative feelings into the
relationship.

"This anger is brought about for the same reason many dreams are: to generate a
physiological state which in some manner facilitates a certain change of
perspective in the
'energetic' levels of self.

"Again, the 'disconnection from the patterns we project' is needed, and the
'subconscious' will
repeatedly bring circumstance about for this result until the mates are either
finally able to let
go of the previous patterns of projection, or until the relationship which
cannot climax
spiritually is dissolved and the mates seek another.

"That some will spend years, even a lifetime in the attempt to dis- attach is a
form of tragedy.
It should be realized that the ability to accept the 'dark side' of one's mate
-- and here we refer
not to some glamorous, power- or violence- nature often projected into that
phrase, but rather,
the truly unappealing qualities in another -- is an inability to accept those
things in oneself;
fundamentally, it is a lack of self-honesty and integrity.

"In differing degrees and manners, these dynamics will (and should) play out in
all
relationships, of all sorts.  Between parent and child, between lovers, between
friends, even
between daily associates eventually.  These dynamics are cyclical, and will
occur repeatedly
as new patterns form over time and as the individuals change.  However, as the
integration
between those in a relationship advances, the nature or intensity of the
experience will alter.

[I crossed this out: "There are parallels in other experience which
could be made, tho --"]

I cut off the process, crossing out a partial sentence that cut off where I
simply decided to
stop.  At the end of every sentence or paragraph, the vague thoughts in my head
(which
seemed wholly separate/independent from 'the flow') seemed to open up another
spate of text
in that specific direction, until I realized I could probably write all night if
I didn't just STOP at
some point.

I wondered if my dream with the strong negative feelings about feeling rejected,
and Ry's little
drama (feeling rejected thinking I was angry), all tied together; if this was
the 'breaking of a
pattern' in a little way, small way -- perhaps this cycle happens constantly,
all around us, in
all situations.

In magick, magic and metaphysics, this would equate to the point where, after
building up all
the good stuff, you "let it go".  Just drop it.  You pick it up -- your intent,
your connection -- on
the other side, so to speak.

A good allegory I made eons ago in Bewilderness was that it was like those
"magic eye" 3-D
pictures.  Seeing the 'hidden' pic actually requires you set your intent, focus,
then just "hold"
your eyes still for a bit and "let go" of any attempt to see or make out
anything; when you
gradually pull your focus back toward you, finally the hidden pic starts coming
into view.
Once it's coming into view, then you can take control again and really "focus
on" the new pic.
But it's like you have to get out of the way and let your brain do the
re-focusing to find the
hidden pic, first.

I thought about the 'stages of positive experience' I'd begun with, and began to
journalize my
thoughts about it all, as I was sitting there with pen in hand --

"I see how the pattern at top plays out and allegories [as a verb] in
everything. In
relationships.  In learning most anything to advanced degree."  As I said the
last part of the
last sentence, I had that 'feeling of flow again', and moved into it as I
continued:
"One has as much crush on, delight in, appreciation of -- then
disillusion with, and awareness of the limits of -- then acceptance
and real understanding of -- knowledge, a truth, as with a person."

[I myself wrote:] The parallel matches sex, eating, [the flow
continued] "and even personal finance, though many would find it
difficult to conceptualize how a 'relationship with money' is
indeed a relationship."

I paused, thinking of money and other issues in my life, then got a line I
thought was the first
line of a spontaneous and rather insipid poem, but turned out not to be that
really, but more
"in the flow" text:

"I love the flowers that bloom.

"I do not mourn the flowers that have not yet come to be, or which
bloomed in a season past.

"I do not temper my appreciation for the hue of a rose based on my
worry about its thorns.

"Such is your life, my friend, and your constant worry.  'Love the
one you're with.'  This goes for your home, employment, and what
little money you may have in your pocket.  All things which exist
for you are 'in bloom'.  Love what you have, prune what you need
to, and avoid defining your reality by 'drawing the negative
space'.  To see yourself you must see things as they are; love is
the only light that illuminates even the darkest and most obscure
corners of life - and self."

I put the pen down and thought, OK, I am definitely done with this stuff. 
Reading Steiner must
have warped my brain by osmosis!

I realized that writing such things down will be important to my
ability to 'seize awareness' when it hits, encourage that in
myself, and further flesh out important insights or integrations.

Then I realized this was what Joe had been saying all along. About
writing down thoughts. About catching subtle thought processes
in oneself, learning more about how one processes inner stuff.

And it occurred to me the 'slightly turbulent' feelings I've had
about "bleedthrough" both in daily life and in RV, and the small
insights I'd been ignoring, and the recent coincidence of great
'luck' with a project and every thing/one who can help me falling
into place together, and some synchronicity of late, that all these
things were connected.

It's the daily process of gradually becoming more aware, a never-ending process
- and how it
continues or increases depends on how much attention I bother paying to it.

Then I wondered. How one could possibly expect to develop one's energy-bodies
(I've
experienced enough chakra and kundalini stuff to know this part has reality),
clarity of mind
and mental process, and the necessary connection of spirit, in which remote
viewing would be
anywhere near consistently workable (though it suddenly seemed a bit silly that
RV would be
the real goal, when it is more like a side effect pursued for fun and learning,
within a much
larger process of knowing-self), if no such thoughts as I'd been having, or
development like
that happened regularly over time?

How could such things be 'irrelevant' or 'only spiritual' or 'just
psychology' and not RV?

I felt as if someone had grabbed me by the feet and turned me upside down or
something.
Suddenly I had a completely different perspective on RV - one wholly spiritual
and 'in context'
as opposed to it being a hobby, a study, a topic often given about as much
spiritual
consideration as ham radio or ceramic tiling...

Suddenly I felt like the focus on the "external" how-to of RV, without any of
the processes of
personal development (psychological, spiritual, whatever) was just ... _inane_.

I felt it was a profound denial about (and avoidance of) human spirit at a core
level.  As if the
issue is way deeper than just some people considering it a business or hobby;
rather, I felt
the 'surface approach' was like a serious societal spiritual issue manifesting
in RV as a
sociological phenomenon.

The entire subject suddenly struck me as ludicrous.

I suddenly felt a complete lack of interest in anything that does not promote an
"exploration of
self" in me in every possible sense.
It came to mind that RV without personal exploration is like sex without either
love or orgasm.
  Shallow and empty, and likely to lead to avoidance -- and what a waste, when
such "internal
extension into another dimension" is possible and so cool.

In some way, and I'm still not sure why, RV for me became a different creature
last night, after
7 years of studying the subject.  Something so much larger and deeper that
today, when I
went into yahoo and posted a few things I had to force myself to participate, as
it was like ...
never mind.  I'm totally lacking words for this I guess.

Oh, but the connection to the good session feelings -- there is a disconnect
required.
Actually a positive expectation, yet a realization that it might not work and
that is OK - just
being totally "unattached" to the outcome.  That is what separates the stage of
delight/novelty/passion from the stage of "oneness".  That is how all this
related.

PJ