I guess science, and I have had a boatload of science courses, seems a little limiting to me. If you cannot measure it, it is not real or solid, accurate. Well, we are not yet capable of measuring some things? Measure to me the death experience. Explain it. I want hard facts. I love hard facts, as a left brained person. It is not quite together in my opinion. We are not beating drums with sticks, but we are still very backwards I think, in the science department. We do now know that DNA exists and feel pretty smart in general. In my lifetime, I was in my mid twenties, personal computers came into use. It was a big deal, a big step forward. Yipppeee back then. Thirty years from now, I hope that we know more.
This is so amazing... I remembered a dream! Just today! WOW!!
I want to write this down Ã¢â‚¬â€œ I want to see it and read it out loud.
Last night or early this morning, I had a dream. I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know what it means but this thread is about dreams and I actually had one that I remember... kind of.
I was a small child, someone who would look to be around 10 Ã¢â‚¬â€œ 11 years old. I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t see me but I knew I looked that old if someone else were looking on. We lived in a place that was no-where. Our home was a really big building that sometimes looked like an old dilapidated farm house Ã¢â‚¬â€œ the kind of place that people use as barns or storage places (well they do here in Australia). I remember walking up the verandah steps, gazing up at the multi story building that was old and run down Ã¢â‚¬â€œ the ends of each of the different floors were made of broken rickety old floor boards. Every now and again everything looked like smooth rounded metal of a sort, and even though the surface had sheen, I knew it was a very old place.
During my dream things kept changing Ã¢â‚¬â€œ a little like that dancing girl in the left and right brain fun test thing. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what it felt like so thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m putting it down to.
In this place, Ã¢â‚¬Ëœno-whereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢, there were several multi-story buildings that were connected in some way. It was like each building were beads on a bracelet. It was lovely.
Our building was really big; almost endless, and it was perfect. Each room on each floor walked out onto a wide deck that looked into or over a beautiful garden in the centre. There were birds, and other animals in there too. But it didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t smell and you couldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t hear anything through the barrier Ã¢â‚¬â€œ you could see the centre of the building, the gardens, the gardeners, the animals and birdie things but not smell or hear anything.
Attached to our building were other buildings. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d not ever been in them and the people who lived in them were different to us. I know this because sometimes we would all meet with small groups of the others just the same as the meeting we were about to attend in my dream. From what I can remember, everyone else at the meetings was mature and I alone was the fledgling. Perhaps my carers were just taking me with them Ã¢â‚¬â€œ I cannot fathom why I was there. But I was.
Carers... The over mature ones in our building were given the charge of all fledglings. When they became unable to complete these final duties they would go away. In my mind I know or understand that they were helped to die, but in the dream, it was just that they Ã¢â‚¬Ëœwent awayÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ or something like that. In this particular dream, my carers lead me into a place in our home where you could see all the different floors. I remember seeing only a few but somehow I know there were many, many more.
It seems that we were in trouble. We had been beaten and destroyed before as had each and every person in each of the many buildings in our little colony out here in our, till now, safe place Ã¢â‚¬Ëœno-whereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢. We had been found, and were in grave danger. I could tell it was dreadful just in the way that people felt and the urgency of it all. After everyone spoke my carer asked me to say whether the speaker was telling truths or falsities Ã¢â‚¬â€œ actually it was all about the colours and the senses but thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the best I can do to say (kinda) what it all means. They didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t say anything and I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have to either, though we could speak with our voices, it was much more prudent (and way easier and fun) to think to each other. I thought it was a game and a fun one at that; though today the grim atmosphere kind of wrecked that.
Some were talking about staying and fighting and some, disconnecting and fleeing to other places.
One lady that sat reclining on a lounge stated that she had a Ã¢â‚¬Ëœ**** (something) beastÃ¢â‚¬â„¢. The conversation stopped there for a bit, even the thought chatter of our people. I cannot remember for the life of me the name of the beast now, but when I first heard it from her lips I understood what she was talking about. The carer prompted me without shifting his/her gaze from the lady, and I told him/her that it was the truth but there was something she was not telling.
She couldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t walk Ã¢â‚¬â€œ the lady that is. Her legs and arms were all wobbly even though most of the time she looked just like a normal lady you or I may see down town or anywhere. But she wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t Ã¢â‚¬â€œ she isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t like us at all.
ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the end of my dream. It was so fun remembering a dream but I still think it prudent to not remember them as much as possible. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share a dream here Ã¢â‚¬â€œ so cool!
ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s been a day since the actual dream Mycroft, and yes, there was a shiny-ness or sheen to parts of some things there but that was only when it wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t made of wood and stuff. I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t remember flickering lights. I must say though, inside the building was bright Ã¢â‚¬â€œ and thinking now... it probably shouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have been; not inside the meeting place anyway.
I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know how they all got there. Our buildings were all connected and we were the last ones to arrive. I just remember the old rickety verandah steps and the rough floor boards of each story as my gaze rose higher and higher. It was a big meeting and I feel that perhaps that size meeting is an unusual occurrence in this particular dream.
The detail? I remember enjoying the dream so much that I re-dreamed it over and over. I remember wanting to check out all the different peoples there; their thoughts, movements, allegiances; I needed to see the... ties? I had to use something inside of me to learn or understand the bonds of the different peoples and their leading styles together with their rank. Our people needed to KNOW who to trust, truth, lies, unknown plans made in secret... just stuff like that.
When the lady said that about the beast, my carer grabbed my hand to see what I could see; the beast, where, how, and what it may have been that she wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t telling. It was interesting and fun so I had to go back and play and replay the same scenes over and over again. It played out the same every time and each time I got to view different perspectives of the same thing.
The little girl in the dream really didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know or is unable to know who she is and her purpose. It was a really strange thing to see and know. I love her very much and feel a need to care for her, protect her, hide her or something. Dreams are weird in that one can never quite know if theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re real or not. Like a tangible intangible Ã¢â‚¬â€œ but it was nice to get to check it out pretty thoroughly before I woke to the chimes of my grandson screaming at the top of his lungs... Ã¢â‚¬Å“NAN! NAN!!Ã¢â‚¬Â.
I like dreams that are nice. This one was nice. It made me feel sad and lonely, a little wistful, but lovely.
Jen, here's the deal, the part about the meeting place and exchange of ideas, etc. That is one of the classrooms we all go to from time to time when we sleep. There are many types of meeting places, some are very somber, some are in the place where the dead wait to move on. There are places with waterfalls and greenery where the spirit frolics for R&R or to just generally hang out. Our persona in those places can be very very different than who we perceive ourselves to be in the normal waking space/time continuum.
I was trying to find the correct thread for this. This morning I had a dream that I was in a car with a friend and it was dark. We were driving down a road and the headlights lit up an eighteen wheeler overturned at an angle by the side of the road. The driver was curled up near the cab as if he had either been thrown or crawled out. My friend pulled over and got out to see what he could do while I pulled my phone out of my purse with shaking hands to call 911...then I woke up.
I turned on the local radio to listen to the news to see if there had been an accident on the Interstate in town, but nothing was reported. Then, tonight, I saw on the news that there had been a tornado in Fort Worth/Granada, Texas. One of the pictures that they showed while they were talking looked exactly like my dream--an 18-wheeler overturned by the side of the road at an angle, but it was so dark that it was difficult to make out all the details.
My question is about a detail of the dream. Although I seemed to be driving down the road with a friend of mine, as I was waking up, I saw the woman in the car...and she wasn't me. I frequently (and moreso since doing rv) seem to have these dreams where I am moving in and out of other people, sometimes several times during the same dream....one moment I will be inside the person seeing as if from my own eyes, the next I will be hovering outside watching that person doing something and aware that we are separate entities. How common is this and what exactly is happening?
It is related to RV in a way. When you're in the first person view of the person, you often know right away because you have no control, but you get to see and hear what that person percieves during that time. The more you RV, the more likely you would get into these dreams situations.
There has been several RV sessions where I am in first person view, seeing things from their prespective.
The "deja Vu" happens often enough even for normal people I think.
My guess is it'll happen more if you continue to RV, as you're connecting to the information out there. Much like watching an scary movie before bedtime will most likely give your active brain an nightmare, same as for RV, once you are asleep it's still on the RV search path.
Try taking some more "cool down" time in between your sessions, or try not to "think" about the person or focus on the incident too much, don't obsess over it? (other wise you go MAD)
Wait till when you try to explain how and what you were doing in someone else's dream without sounding crazy, in this case take the denial route for sanity.
"Wait till when you try to explain how and what you were doing in someone else's dream without sounding crazy, in this case take the denial route for sanity." (Red Star)
Now that sounds novel... I will bet there is an interesting story attached to that. I usually remote view at night when it is quieter, so fewer interruptions; so I often end up sleeping afterwards. I don't usually have nightmares, either, but I have been having more of those, too...like dreaming that a guy is trying to choke me and then watching it happen from the outside with no explanation as to who the people involved are...bizarre stuff. I am frequently aware that I'm dreaming, though, so there is an element of removal to it.
I recommend you remote view it, after I have had weird dreams like that I write it down and always self task and remote view it afterwards.
Choking you? Did you know this person? I will bet you will be scared if you actually saw this person in real life! Perhaps it's an warning? That's why I recommend you remote view it as it will give you a more detailed answer, it worked for me.
I've had repeated dreams of this guy, that I've never met in real life before, then I write it down, drew an simple composite sketch of the person and self tasked "describe intent".
The weird part was I got this Jedi symbol, yet I've never met this person before in my life! So at least his a Jedi from what my psyche tells me .
Of course there's been times when I've visited other people in their dreams. It was more of an astral projection type of experience where I am floating above their house and I drag their astral body out as well. So there we are floating high above the neighbourhood and let's just call this person "Norman". So me and Norman are floating in the air but Norman seems to be amazed by this, I urge him to come and fly around but he just stays there hovering. So eventually I get tired and float away else where to more exotic locations, while they just hover there amazed and shocked.
The funny thing is a few days later Norman speaks of this dream and I just deny it and tell him to stop taking so much acid .
I still recommend denying this as it is all too easy to deny it and less complicated too. If someone does catch you in their dream, you can just simply deny it, "What makes you think I was in your dream, maybe you're in my dream?!"
Also the classic comedy line works great to deflect unwanted attention such as "I dunno, it's YOUR dream. Why would you dream me up in your dream? : :
If you like dreams you will like the movie Inception, yes an hour in real time is like a life time in the dream world...
I will have to try to catch Inception. I saw the guy choking me/her, but I have no idea who he was. I exited the woman while he was doing it, lingered because I was curious, and saw them interact for a few seconds...but I think I must have moved to before he was choking her or maybe after...it was difficult to tell. I did pick up some fleeting impressions, but not enough to be definitive. She was okay, and they were acting normally at that time. No idea who either of them were and didn't feel that they had anything to do with me...which is what makes it so bizarre.
I gather you have a lot more experience at astro-travelling than I do. Have you ever gone somewhere where you had the impression that you were answering an invitation or summons or something? I don't want to pin this down too specifically...just curious as to whether others are experiencing this.
Well from criminology "choking" incidents are usually done by "weaker" lesser men. Seriously what kind of a man would choke someone, that's just "weak".
Yes, I've had more experience in astral projection/dream travel and stuff, I've been doing it for at least two decades now. I am able to control it more now than before when I started ages ago. Yeah I am still in the psychic closet-it's just safer in the closet.
Speaking of invites and summons, you should try to contact the user "MADMANMAL". I won't ruin the surprise for you but I know he will glady volunteer for an "inception".
Yes an invitation, but it has to be in my langauge because I don't dream in English, when dialogues are in English that's when I know it's an astral projection or something is very very off.
Here's an funny tidbit, did you know that if you remote view in your dream....you wake up from sleep!!
I know this is an old thread but something has been happening to me lately and it's kinda freaking me out.
Over the last couple of years, since this thread died, I have had several all too real dreams and premonitions.
The last two of note were about me being different persons.
The short version of the first is:
It starts out as I am a soldier in WWII flying in an airplane over some place in Asia.
I receive my orders and I am to drop with a pallet full of explosives in an unmarked jungle to blow up a train bridge.
There are men on my plane who have other missions including my commander.
I push out the pallet and jump myself.
I'm paying too much attention to the pallet and head straight into a tree, knocking me out.
When I come too, I'm in a bed with other clothes on and my head hurts - a lot.
I get up and around and see I'm in a makeshift jail or prison of some sort and there is a man at the end of the hall with a sword standing guard.
After a few days - yes, days it goes on for days.
After a few days, I plan my escape so I can continue my mission.
I slip out at night and at the end of the hall, this guard appears and understands that I have to go but he cannot let me go.
If I escape, he will be dishonored and will have to kill himself in dishonor. If I do not go, he knows his village is in danger.
He pulls out his short sword and holds it to his chest to kill himself anyway but I grab his hand to stop him.
He is a good man and I don't want to be the reason for his death.
Somebody sounds the alarm. People run out because it is a sound they have never heard before. Escape has never even been attempted before.
In the confusion, he trades grip on my hands and pulls me to him pressing the sword through his chest killing himself and his last move is to point to the door out with his eyes.
I dash for the door and head down the steps.
At the bottom of the steps is the door to the outside.
Across a huge room.
As I approach it, there another there in a blue Kimono and a full size sword.
She will not let me go so easy.
We fight but I have no weapon but she is not moving in for the kill, she is just preventing me from getting past her to the door.
My skill as as soldier prevents me from getting my head shopped off but I still cant get past.
Finally, after a struggle, she has me with the point in my chest and ready to push me through.
Suddenly, the door behind her opens and a man speaks to her.
She is not happy with what he says and finally lets me up.
She gives me a look of disgust as she allows me to pass.
In the basement is my commander and the man and my pallet of materials with my uniform and weapons.
He explains that they didn't know what to do with me as I was not Japanese nor seemed to be an enemy but they had nowhere for me to go.
Being that I was out, they knew I needed medical attention so they put me upstairs until they figured out what to do.
I put on my uniform and assemble my explosives and weapons.
The woman is still not happy.
I told him to explain that I was on a mission and after the war was over, I would return to pay whatever price was needed to pay for the murder of the man upstairs. There was a discussion between the other man and the woman with the sword and they let me go.
I go blow the bridge and meet up with some partisans. During the next phase, I send letters back to my commander about what I am going to do to keep my word to that village about the old man.
The war ends and I start my way back.
The jungle is looking much different as I am returning and it is getting greener.
People are in rice patties growing rice and there are children and young men where there was only misery before.
As I head into the village, there are banners but I have no idea what they say.
As I come into the village, there are several people gathered including my commander.
I surrender myself to the man in the basement saying that I am guilty of murder and what penalty they have for me including death, I will subject myself to since my war jobs are all done.
We go to visit his grave and there are all kinds of flowers and honors there that are not on any other grave markers.
My commander explains to me that the banners are for my return and they are not going to punish me for killing the old man.
I don't understand. I am guilty. The woman who was in blue comes to me and my commander explains that the man was her father.
She falls at my feet saying something in tears.
He translates: Her father was a man with great honor there. Nobody tried escaping because they could not dishonor him in any way.
There was too much respect.
In escaping, and killing him, I did not dishonor him in any way, it brought him an honorable death.
In fact, the more successful missions they heard about from my commander, they more honor I brought him and all I did was his honor.
Now they celebrate me returning so they can explain and celebrate his life.
The I wake up.
I quickly wrote it all down in my dream journal and go back to sleep.
When my alarm goes off to go to work, I have the phrase "Fire Ideology" in my thoughts.
Strange, I think and write it down too.
Later, I look it up and find only three references to it on the Internet and they all point to a funeral by a fire chief about some firemen who gave their lives in a fire. He references Scott O'Grady and quotes him in saying "It wasn't the reward that mattered or the recognition you might harvest. It was your depth of commitment, your quality of service, the product of your devotion -- these were the things that counted in a life. When you gave purely, the honor came in the giving, and that was honor enough."
Since then I think I have to write a book on it.
This was the short version. The long version so far is about 30-40 pages handwritten.
And there is another one that woke me up on tears about a child that died.
That one may be longer as it was three dreams long and spanned what seemed like twenty years.
Who gets these kinds of dreams?
Are these somebody else's memories?
Past lives of mine, maybe?
Maybe just stories I am invited to write into a book.
I do computers. Write a book?
This is crazy. But an awesome dream.
Usually, when I have a dream like this, the adrenaline wakes me up and i wonder how it all ends.
I got to experience the end of the story this time and it was awesome.
My wife encouraged me to write it as a book.
There is so much more than what I can post here.
When I told it to her, it took two hours to tell the story.
So I am writing it down and as I probe for more details, I am remembering more.
It seemed so real to me. As real as I am sitting here, but I was somebody else.
I almost have half of it in that form but there will be much more.
I'm not a writer. I do computers and servers and such but it seems I have another mission.
I also have another dream that was even better, if you can believe that.
I'll post it next. It was very emotional to me and it was actually three dreams that told the story.
I wrote it up for a friend of mine and she suggested I use a different format and I am writing it up again in a way to better understand it.
I still haven't figured that one out any more than it seemed like I received a download of somebody's memories that touched me to my core.
I figured out the first one just a couple of months ago and it was all about the man I killed and how the proceeding events were all for his glory and honor.
In the same way our actions are for God's honor and glory.
This one is three dreams in sequential order to tell, no, experience a life of somebody else.
I don’t know why yet it was given to me but it would make a great Hallmark movie or chick-flick.
When it was all over, I woke up in tears and wrote in my dream journal “Who’s memories are these?” in all caps. I had to get it down as fast as I could before it started fading but because I did get most of it, I can call it up and tell the story. It would take maybe a couple of hours again to tell the whole story, start to finish.
If I get finished with the first book, this will the second.
It starts out, I’m a teenager in a family with my sister and parents. I think I have brothers but I don’t remember them being a part of it. I am around 16 and my sister is an annoying 11 year old with a mischievous personality. She loves to prank me and we trade off pranks for quite some time over the course of the dream. We are moving into a new house. Dad just got a promotion and we move to a place next door to family friends who have two daughters. The youngest is about 14 and is my sister’s idol. They both do dancing lessons at the same place and after moving in, her pranks start to gain a new creativity and maliciousness that could only be attributed to some new ideas and possibly a more experienced mind. She and I had some issues but for the most part, they were good natured.
The families take vacations together and the houses are soon closer to each other than physical distance. One weekend, the neighbor’s oldest daughter has a dance and date scheduled with her boyfriend in another town close to the mountains we frequent on out vacations, and they invited us to tag along as well. However, my sister has one of her recitals or a show of some sort that I am in no way interested in going. I would rather sit in the mountains eating a great meal with better company than deal with that. Mom and dad are taking her and I go along with the neighbors as a third wheel and can pretend it is fun but, in reality to me, it is just not as boring as doing the sister thing.
So, I tag along. In the car on the way up, there is the regular bickering and sister sibling issues that sounds like noise to me and I tune it out. When we get there the destination is a cottage or chalet that has an upstairs room and lots of wood. The “date” is that night and we unpack and the girls start getting ready for the evening’s events and I settle upstairs after I change into my suit. Katy, the younger of the two, comes up while here sister fusses with her dress. The focus is really on her sister anyway, as this night is all about her and her thing.
Katy shows me her dress and it is beautiful. I normally don’t see her all dolled up for anything so she is looking rather appealing. It is several shades of blue and has what appear to be scarves flowing out from her waist onto the floor. Since she loves dancing and wants to show off the dress, smiling, she spins around dance style and twirls on her toes. As she comes down to her feet, she traps one of the scarves under her foot and it twists around her legs, keeping her from her balance and she starts to tumble towards the wood floor and it’s going to be a hard hit. Time seems to stand still as I scramble to my feet and catch her before she has any impact and lift her up, freeing her legs from their entrapment. As I set her to her feet, the look of terror is just starting to fade from her eyes and she then looks into mine. There is a moment in time where she is still feeling fear but there is something else. She looks like she is feeling bliss too. As I look into her eyes at this moment, I am feeling something never felt before as well. At that very moment, I fall madly in love with her and the feeling is overwhelming. Then, I do the first adult thing I have ever done in my life and we kiss. The wave of emotions and energy I feel is awesome and it changes something in me forever. When we pull away, I can see the look of fear is totally gone and she feels the same way. Nothing will ever be the same. Another kiss but this one is interrupted by her mother as she comes up the steps after hearing the commotion and catches us after the kiss. Katy explains that she stumbled and I caught her before she fell and everything is alright. Her mom can tell it is better than all right and leaves us to finish up with her sister.
The “date” goes on as planned and I am sitting across the table from Katy and her date. Her sister is oblivious while their parents are a safe distance away at another table. The date becomes the third wheel and I don’t think Katy heard anything he boasted about and it was rather comical to see his attempts to impress her all the while, I just sit there with a silly grin on my face, enthralled with her just doing nothing. She picked at her food and responded with a "huh" or a "yea, that's nice" She was completely distracted from him.
That evening, neither of us got much sleep and there were some changes going on in me I was not quite prepared for. The next day, the trip home was sleepy and we leaned on each other as we drifted off. When we returned home, I left to go back to my house to heard my sister’s report about her dance recital or whatever it was. I wasn't really interested before the weekend and I am so uninterested now. I told them about the trip (leaving out all the real details and feelings, of course)
Next day, the sister comes around and asks me what the hell happened over the weekend. She had a long conversation with Katy during the day and she is totally changed, especially with things that concern me. After wondering if I should tell her everything, I sit her down and discuss my details about what happened. We have a discussion and tells me that Katy feels the same as me and we start a relationship that is now beyond the annoying little sister. She is fascinated by our feelings and finds her best friend is now connected to her brother in a way she has no experience with. This conversation also changes their relationship forever as well. Don’t get me wrong, she is still annoying but the maliciousness is gone and it is just harmless fun from that point on.
This is where one dream ended and it seemed like a nice dream and had a good conclusion. I though it was over and it felt pretty good.
I went back to sleep and it picked up where this one left off.
I had a girlfriend. She suddenly seemed dysfunctional and all the faults I did not see before seemed to jump out at me and compared to the Katy, she seemed so petty and self-centered. I no longer had the kind of affection for her and I could not explain it, even to myself. It did not take very long to break up with her and neither of us were very upset. Which was even more curious to me. Until I saw Katy again later that day and it all made sense. Compared to her, the others were nothing and meant very little. “Is this what love is?” I thought to myself. Looking back, I never really loved the girlfriend we just got along very well, but never really clicked on a deeper level.
We started dating and the relationship progressed very fast. I had to be careful because every little thing I said or did was told to my sister and I could get into trouble quickly because she was still a snitch. Dates and High school and teen life life was good with Katy.
Dream 2 concluded with my proposal to Katy and her acceptance. Kind fun at this point. It was neat to see things other than my life and started to get interesting.
Little did I know what I was in for.
I thought that was the end of it but there was a third chapter that really blew me away and dragged my heart out. Third dream starts out we are married for several years now and we have six children. It also looks like twins are involved in this. I don’t really have a time range so it could have been during the 80’s or even the 90’s but it was not a long time ago. Being a parent is totally different and our relationship has changed and there is some difficulty between us because of the distractions of the kids and all their business that seems to surround them. Also, the constant bickering and fighting I thought was bad with just my sister and I is totally over the top and more than we could handle causing arguments and heartache. Some days we are just holding on to each other and that’s all we can muster.
One day, all of that changed. Katy was sleeping at night and had extreme pains in her back and we took her to the hospital. They ran some checks on her and she may have kidney stones, they deduce. The doctors need to run some tests, but before they do, they need to do a pregnancy test, just to be sure. After getting the results, they cannot use the dye because the test shows she is pregnant again for child number 7. No more sleep that night and the stones are the least of our worries now.
Life gets more hectic and I take time off work to take care of Katy and her health issues. The kids start getting calmer but the stress is much greater. After some time, it is obvious this pregnancy is not going to go as well as the previous ones, even the twins. There is lots of down time, grandparents step in more often to deal with the children and they respond surprisingly well to that. We decide to name him after a family friend who is a butcher. He is a really great guy and decided to become a butcher because he was used to the blood and gore that he saw in battle during WWII. He would be named Peter after him. After the birth the baby was not any less trouble. He was always uncomfortable and the children took turns helping out and they became very close to him. It seemed the baby was able to bring them together like nothing before and they became very attached to him. After a couple of years, we noticed he was late in learning to speak and did not walk until well after his first birthday. The walking issue was decided to be that he never needed to walk as there were always arms that were willing to hold him and take him anywhere he wanted to go. We had to stop the children from doing so much for him but that started people arguing over who got him next. He was a bright light to the family that brought us all together. It seemed to also be more than that. He always brightened any day and anybody he was around with just his presence. Several people said he was an old soul that was very wise. And he did have that presence. He also had a mind of his own and insisted on being called Petey and not Peter or Pete. He was what the family needed to bring back to a loving center.
One morning, there was a frantic phone call from Katy that she was taking him to the emergency room and I met her there. She was unable to wake Petey from his sleep that morning and as they traveled to the hospital, he woke and did not seem himself. They ran some tests and did a full scan and found he had what looked like a tumor in his brain near some critical areas that prevented surgery. It was heartbreaking and the family was distraught that night. The next day, he began a severe radiation and chemotherapy. It wore him out and the suffering on Katy and myself was devastating. Petey was his regular self and the nurses looked forward to seeing him as he was always in good spirits even when he was going through some obvious pain.
The prognosis looked good at first but the growth not responding well after a while. It looked like he was not going to make it to his 6th birthday. Katy had several sleepless nights crying over him and everybody he touched was upset as well. After his last therapy session, he was brought in to check his diagnosis and it was really bad. He was not going to need any more because they were not doing any good. Katy brought him to the car and wanted to just go home, put him to bed and cry for a few hours. On the trip home, there was a traffic jam and as she was desperately trying to hold back the tears, Petey seemed not to notice but his attention was captured by the cause of all the traffic. At the front of the snarl, there was a couple leaving a church in a horse and buggy decorated in white. The bride in her lovely white gown was being seated I the back of the open buggy and the groom beside her. They shared an embrace and a long kiss. Katy thought "that was cute" Petey stood up and said “I want to do that!” in an insistence she had never heard from him before and her tears dried up. She jotted down the number of the coach and traveled home in a totally different spirit. We decided that night that we would make his dream come true and contacted the coach to set in motion his trip. We had to work fast because his condition may not allow us much time to do a lot of planning. He was already having some trouble moving around and soon would be unable to walk on his own.
Next, we fitted him for a tuxedo. Not just any tuxedo, he had to have tails! Since he had mobility problems, it was designed to be pulled off him by the sleeves and the main part came apart in tow pieces. In the fitting, we could not discuss the secondary purpose for the tux. We would be using it for his funeral as well, but nobody could talk about it as it was so painful. All the other children got a special wardrobe as well and Petey was excited as they all picked out and displayed beautiful white dresses and smart tuxedos. He was having as much fun preparing for the event as the event itself. The tears were always just below the surface and nobody wanted to start “the talk” because everybody knew they could not hold them back after anybody starting crying and they wanted to give Petey a grand experience.
The day came for the horse and buggy ride and we all went to the park nearby to get in the buggy. Petey got in first and was up near the horseman. Katy and I were next to him with the other children in the back of the buggy. We could not all fit in so we had to take turns as we rode around and around the park in regal attire and Petey’s face beaming with a joy never seen before. He even got to ride once beside the horseman a couple of rounds. It was a ride of a lifetime for all of us and the day itself seemed like a dream within a dream. But it had to be over at some point. After a few hours of this, Petey was getting tired and hot so we decided to stop and get some ice cream before heading for home.
We piled out of the buggy and got Petey’s wheelchair as he was unable to walk at this time. We were all soaking in the day and as we came around the corner of a pavilion, a young man in an old time costume came quickly around the other way with a barrel of some thick yellow syrup and ran right smack into Petey spilling the contents on him and his wheelchair. The shock surprised everybody especially the man and as he tried to simultaneously apologize and clean up the spill, we all joined in the struggle, peeling off the special tux in the pieces it was designed to be removed with and getting Petey from the stick substance that now covered his entire body including his head. He looked around and it was a look of fear as we wiped his face off. He continued to check out all the people jumping to his rescue and all the commotion. He noticed some of this goo on his hand and before we could stop him, he shoved it in his mouth. It must have been the best tasting substance he ever tasted as he brought up his other hand to sample it again. A huge smile broke out on his face while at the same time his eyes were still terrified of the circumstance. In that moment, I saw that smile again. The one from the first dream that Katy had when I first fell in love with her forever. It was exactly the same and time again seemed to stop and it was like there was only me and Petey in our own world as I hugged him in the midst of all the sticky syrup and held him tightly as if to hold him back from the approaching death that we both seemed to feel approaching. There was even more love this time than the first time and it overwhelmed us both for what seemed like days. Eventually, the bustle returned and the young man was still apologizing and when he heard of Petey’s situation, he cried but I assured him it was more than OK and it presented a rare moment that will never come again and that I was grateful of that time. We got him all cleaned up but the tuxedos were all destroyed. Somehow, it didn't matter and Petey, like the angel he was, once again pulled out a miracle in the midst of disaster.
We, of course, had to have another tuxedo made, with the tails again. His condition continued to fail and one night at home, in his bedroom, his mother held him in her arms and Petey breathed his last breath. She said later, that as she held him close to her, she could feel his heart beat out the last, slow, beat and then he went limp. Petey died the way he lived, full of love with his family all around him. With all of us around, we all cried a collective tear fest for at least an hour and it was difficult pull his body from Katy’s arms. None of us would ever be the same. I thought I might be jealous of Katy being able to get his last experience with her as he faded away in her arms, but I remember Petey’s smile and holding him in my arms in all that stickiness and I am glad to have had that experience to carry with me after his death.
Petey was laid to rest in his special suit and the horseman gave him a top hat to take with him on his final ride. It was surprising to see all the people at his funeral. His life truly touched everybody he met.
And now, mine through the dream.
When I woke, I was in tears and struggled to get it all out on paper as I wanted to mourn for him and get it down so it would not be forgotten. Writing this down now brings out all these feeling again and I’m sitting here crying. He was/is still my son and he touched my heart. It was so real and moving. I am changed because of it.
I never think that when somebody says it was “Just a dream” No, this was not just a dream. Neither of these were anything close to a regular dream. It is as real as I am sitting here in tears over a son I never had and that smile lives in my heart forever now. I can still see them in my head. Both of those smiles. I still feel these feelings.
How is it that these dreams seemed to span years? I don't quite understand that part.
These dreams had a lot of details, too may other side stories as well to describe in the detail they deserve.
I have to tell their stories.
They seem to be by invitation only and it was really cool to receive them.
If I don't get these two out, I may not get any more.